You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
