Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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