I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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