that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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