So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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