Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
