shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
