Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
