Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
