I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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