No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone shit on the floor
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
