I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
