I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
