Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
