I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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