You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
