just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
