so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
