I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
