You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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