The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
