You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
