If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
