honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
