His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
