i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
