Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
