I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
