So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
