So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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