i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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