MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
