make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
