dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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