Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
