It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
