; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
