Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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