I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
