i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
