There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
