Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
