I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
