Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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