nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
