We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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