It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've blown a few things in my day
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
