New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
