six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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