I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
is it fun? or sober?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
