You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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