Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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