You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He did a backflip because drugs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
