I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
