I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
40s are totally the cure
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The struggles of a small town man whore
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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